(1) Q & A static prototype of the autumn:
declare in advance that my image may be overstating Amy and Huang Yan a lot, if I paint a picture of the answer far from static as you would expect in autumn, also ask you to forgive (or derided Ai yellow two).
1, would like to know the youngest mother was quiet autumn evaluation
- a very long time, I did not tell my mother the youngest had died. On the one hand, I am still very worried about my mother would blame me so young in love, on the other hand I'm afraid my mother will be sorry. I remember I was very angry to think that you always say that I am too early to consider these things, and now I do not take into account, and the time you have to persuade me to consider these things.
Later, I put my 77 years to write something that showed her, but also the youngest of the letter and read her diary. She was very upset and, indeed, as I expected, the worth of self-blame. But I know she had nothing to blame, the youngest of the disease is not caused her, and I was the age that is small, just 18 years old, so we will not touch she is right. That social circumstances at the time, even if people know that the youngest dying, I'm falling in love is still too early will not be tolerated by society.
My mother has been very understanding of me, I was married to 33 years old, my mom the pressure is great, friends and neighbors often come to care, to persuade, introduce her boyfriend to me, but my mother never pressed I got married. I went to L when the city Master, that we want people sharing, I put a lot of things have to stay at home, my mother helped me save. Moved house several times, did not lose those things. Later, my mother immigrated to Canada with my sister, and she brought those things to Canada.
youngest my mother appreciated the writing style and talent, said he was more than my father's word and love letters are well written. (Laughs)
my mother knew my husband was divorced, she still agreed to this marriage, because she felt like a third child my husband in many places, she said: Sun, as on Hello, I'm no opinion. survived, but rather that I was confused to live down.
the social environment, puppy love is a very exclusive, even I think you should not consider these things so early, so I spent a lot of effort to conceal this matter. I attended the memorial service for third child, a funeral home in K City, opened. Time with the funeral, the third body from a platform rose up slowly, remembering the people standing around, you can see him through glass.
platform he lie above the yellow light on top of the head, do not know who will he face of the makeup of a very poor may be less for his pale skin, they rouge on his face the same thing. See his body rose up, all the people crying, but I did not cry, I am afraid that people see that I told him unusual relationship.
urns buried him later when I went, looked for help Nishimura Ping Battalion digging, filling, end they all Ku Cheng Fang tears people, and I did not cry. I now do not know how I can hold back do not cry, maybe one is afraid that people know things between us, and second, already played his oath: blood sweat no tears.
Premier Zhou Enlai died, I can not cry, but I am afraid of being reactionary, had kept his head down. Chairman Mao died, every time I took the students to attend memorial service, always cried a lot, because I think the youngest of the two drops of red eyes the tears rolled down. After his brother in terms of retinal hemorrhage that was caused because he said that he lost his eyesight has been a long time, said he went to the final skin and internal organs are bleeding, must be very painful. Think of these, I could not help but burst into tears. Can say it is the first time I shed tears for the third child, because there is a legitimate reason for tears.
may be I was on the It fully recognized that a person leave, often because he should appear at the time and place have not seen him. If you talk to a person in daily life for a long time, has become used to it, then once he left, you will not get through his difficult time, every little thing will make you think of him. Dinner, you will shed tears in front seats empty; sleep, you will not beside the man sad.
but I spend time with the youngest is too limited, and no formation of habit, he went and did not go, for me, not much difference. Even now, I still think he would go to work in the West Village flat, wearing his (as Amy put it) the famous white shirt and sweater vests, or his famous half-length blue coat, walking in the darkness closed in the field under the trail on. When the village smoke everywhere, he has been in the team dining hall after dinner, and began to play his accordion, the exploration team who will sing <>.
I never put him in a hospital bed or a memorial service on that image with the image of his own link, as if it was just a friend. The third child, always so young, always smiling, as always living in the West Village flat, waiting for our next date, even though I do not know the next date will be at what time, as I did not know before the next first meeting will be at what time the same.
another very important factor is I do not know in what month it began to develop the LOSER philosophy, may be only a replica of Ah Q spirit. I always comfort myself with the youngest I can not live together for long, maybe a good thing, so we do not finally in sight, for the mundane things pique quarrel, he is always in my mind for good I will never in his mind is good, I will never need to worry about him will become the heart.
This idea became more intense after I got married, my husband before marriage, the pursuit stage, many places are comparable with the youngest. He also sent me across the river, the river bank journeying to stand for a long time; he has a pavilion at the river to sit alone all night because he was a married man, our relationship can not be disclosed His wages were not high, the summer he was reluctant to spend money go to a hotel. The city from his work to see me, to take a night train, a lot of time, he did not seat, can only sit in the toilet on the train.
Then I boldly on with him on our family, but he married my mother concealed the fact. He is very diligent in my home, always wash our family summer clothes, then not washing machines, all with the hand. He is docile and obedient to me, what little temper can be tolerated.
I went to graduate school after a large L, from his place of work recently, and he could see me two weeks time. I told my sister to live in the same bedroom, and he came to help us wash the bed sheets quilt, still our little bed for our quilt, prompting the girls are the envy of the entire floor. Sometimes he bought a chicken, washed well, looked at me with my sister to eat, he does not bite to eat.
But after marriage, conflicts emerged gradually, as he not so attentive, so I have a kind of , but parted ways after marriage to become two pieces of bean sprouts petals, a yellow, a black mold. The bifurcation point is no longer
time I have taken a deep sense of, and it gets that third child if married, might also be the case. Youngest of the family conditions are good, maybe harder to get than my husband. Perhaps this idea is a great blasphemy against third child, but in a sense, helped me get through those missed his time.
was married my husband and I with him until the This is my heart a great Of course, this is my wishful thinking, because the youngest even know my future husband is a married man, I am afraid he will not do it. What kind of perseverance he is restrained myself, and I can never know. Huang Yan
cited as saying: because the story can come to a halt, but life can not come to a halt. said, husband and wife, if the white-haired old age, to totter to each other to the hospital, is the best love that stage. You can not expect the two old guys still vigorously fight thing. > So I often contradictory, can be considered opportunistic, too miss the youngest, when he When strong enough nerve to think about a good third child.
3, from the age inferred Jingqiu taught at the university at least 45 years old now. Admire, at least I do not have so much courage.
--- I attended college entrance examination in 77 years, reported the L Provincial School of Medicine for the first choice, my father was still wearing the hat of landlords, I am very worried about him affect me, so Medical professionals also reported that the region, regional college, and fill in the Publication of the results was not, but I was informed after the examination finished, and that I am on the score line. Later, a colleague asked the college entrance examination along with her boyfriend asking to score than the physical line of High School she was, I was better than her third year, everyone said I was too low fill volunteer, should fill in Tsinghua University Beijing University.
that my colleague was finally admitted to Shanghai Jiaotong University, and I was this high her three people, what the school did not admit. At that time the official has to see constituents say no, so in the end why did I not been accepted, I do not know.
78 years of college entrance examination in half a year after 77 years at the college entrance examination, because we have to change the spring enrollment for the fall enrollment. I did not test that, because such notice has been so fast to the test of time, but also afraid suffered another blow. I would like to participate in the examination of 79 years, also gave a very well prepared, but the time came to register, K City,Discount UGG boots, developed a cultural and educational unit of local policies, to prevent in-service teachers participated in the college entrance examination, because 77 years and 78 years almost all young teachers are recruited away.
This policy continued for many years, I have not had a chance later to the college entrance examination. My sister was admitted to the L big Russian, finished undergraduate work after one year, and admitted to the L largest graduate students. I was of age can no longer apply for college, and my sister for encouraging me to take a graduate student, I would apply for the graduate students. Training when I was college, according to brochures can not sit, I had to open a neighborhood evidence of unemployed youths to participate in the examination.
wanted to put that as a mock exam, so not ready admitted. After finished, I feel very bad for my sister said she wanted to commit suicide. (Laughs) My sister said that even wanted to commit suicide, we must wait until the scores come out and then commit suicide. Points out, that I had the door Billing Division of the total score and each of the first to have confused myself.
L see me graduate school is a large community of young, ready to put my tree into the typical self-taught. But the switch to the file, I have to inform the school, eight in the City Culture Bureau and K application did not comply with procedures to the ground, do not give me transfer files. Finally, Big L is not only not taking my graduate school, but also sent a letter to me and my school, criticized me for breach of enrollment system, by improper means to obtain entry opportunities. (Laughs)
the second year, after graduating college I have a key assigned to K City to teach high school, I signed up through the proper channels, the highest score once again admitted to graduate a large L, K Urban Culture Council still wants to card me, I had to help the media, and ultimately into the L largest English Department graduate school. I was already three years old. Master
after school to teach reading, marry and have children, fat was utterly indecent, often with the husband, the Cold War. After a few years, that is basically to stay in college without a Ph.D., not the future, and only seek to go abroad. Out, is 39 years old, to the big C, the careful forget about the home that read, Dr, L has been a big recruiting overseas students in the required age, had to change the profession and seek to remain in North America. This procrastination to the four teens. Fortunately, the United States not so particular about the age, I find work in the United States, I home school students who have long retired. They heard that I was looking for work, very sympathetic to me; I heard they are laid off or retired, and sympathize with them. (Laughs)
lot of people say I am a persevering man, live and learn, but in fact I'm just compelled.
4, Sun Jianguo like the youngest, was the husband is the quiet autumn him?
--- not. Sun Jianguo looked like his brother, only a year younger than his brother more. We had a letter through a period of time, but I did not think anybody was love marriage, so there is no development of anything unusual from the relationship. And I was a very strange idea, that is to curry favor with an official contact with their family, so is abstinence to alienate them.
old three Spring and summer I had the time to their house to play, I did not go. They invited a few times to see me go, it no longer invited. Now want to feel that time is very naive, very left-leaning, almost a paranoia. Maybe his family did not accept the invitation to me the practice of completely different views, that I do not like the youngest, or forget the youngest, but I just like to say that I do not curry favor with an officer.
youngest of two brothers very good relationship, sitting in the jeep that he cried all the way brother, broke down in tears several times. Youngest are tears, but never to cry over. His brother was crying, saying that just want to die for his brother.
Later, they drove to K every year as the youngest county grave, the first few years have come to call on me, with the car in the past, then the time to see me with them very difficult to get together to change into their own and visit the.
5, would like to know: < have not be swimming, just stood on this side, watching the other side, sympathetic to people struggling in the river, but they can not water. I do not know how to be considered will be swimming, but at least the water, not water how to swim? So to dare to love, someone to believe that the world will really love you, maybe you never encounter such a person, but that does not mean you should not expect, because he may just what in the world where wait opportunity not let you meet him, and maybe someday they encountered. even if death did not meet, nor prove that a person does not exist, but did not encounter it. . .
fall if the original static, these words probably say in what state of mind?
Jingqiu have a third child after such a love beyond life and death, is not in later life there is more confidence to face the difficulties, to cherish life?
--- this is basically me, because I worked for a magazine, hosted a similar <> of the part, to answer reader questions about family, marriage, love problems. It is my own marriage was a mess, I promised to do this part of the host, more than half is for royalties.
I presided over this part a lot of things were written, some of the feelings of their own experience, some are from other books and magazines it appears. At first I thought to write this way, no one seriously, then more and more feedback from readers that my answer of great help to them, so they changed a lot, I dare not write, and fear of Which the reader because I would find a short-sighted or out of the accident. I shirk many times, then finally found a scapegoat for the magazine, I stopped writing the. A very shameful period of history.
6, wanted to know was there any identification of 'exploration team working environment will induce leukemia'?
--- do not know the final conclusion, then do not dare to inquire, because there is no eligible inquire. Only know two of illness are the exploration team of technicians, whether they use the instrument with the study or test substances, do not know. At that time China, this did not seem seriously, the organization only requires individuals to work for the revolution, while individuals can not care about the working environment. Youngest exploration team that worked was hauled away, do not know why.
7, can not be on May 4 this year, set up an online altar for the third child, let us his honor. I returned this year, really want to ask where this tree fall quiet, but also want to pay tribute to the youngest.
--- Thank you for your kindness, I understand your feelings, but the youngest is a love of quiet person, I quietly let him rest in peace. I do not want to disclose his diary, letters, photographs, etc., this is my selfish way, please forgive me.
rarely write his diary and cure his illness, he wrote the same ward who had written a small story of a sick child, but what is pain and suffering of his own, he did not how to write. He also did not write is not he helped my brother move into the enterprise directly under the Central, but did not write is not his father to help me to teach school brigade.
Unfortunately, I did not ask him. At that time people feel that these
his diary did not write million hunchback in the end is not his fight, so I never know yes or no. I prefer he did not play, because he knows that it is easy to play when I roll in, or roll into the king.
8, as doctors did not inquire into why the military hospital in the city's youngest it? Or he also helped conceal?
--- youngest commanded not to reveal his illness and hospitalization makes things a doctor can not inquire into it.
9, died when the youngest age, how much?
--- he is 50 years, born April 28 to 76 years, died May 4, just after his 26th birthday soon.
10, quiet autumn, allowing the youngest of the family to see
--- youngest father was the eighties of last century died. His brother is still in China, we sometimes call, but he do not use e-mail, can not get literary city. The back will brought to him.
11, Can you go back and quiet autumn photos Tieshanglai hawthorn shots? hawthorn piece of land is now wasteland or farmland? The future is not in danger because of the construction land clearing logging to destroy the tree? If so, there is no piece of land we might raise funds to buy the right to use?
If possible, I will take a picture back. Nishimura flat piece of land is a small mountain brigade, battalion belongs to all the trees in the mountains, not farmland.
I went abroad, has been commissioned for the youngest end of Fong's grave. She will not use e-mail, home did not call, we are relying on written contact. She does not write the address in English, is a good return I printed on the envelope attached to her. Soon be a year of no recent news of her, and wrote several letters being ignored, and this is the reason I am anxious to return home trip.
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